Mission Impossible

5:15am 3/2/15

So here I go again. 

Once more, I am agreeing to climb into a giant metal bird and fly 13 hours to one of my babies. 

Did you just blink and re-read that? That's right, I'm on my way to Ethiopia. For a sixth time. To fight for my son. 

I have just peeled my girls off me and left them crying outside security with Abe and Levi. And now I'm sitting in the first terminal; a weird mix of excitement, anticipation and total dread. I am so thrilled to be going to see Micah again. I am terrified that my mission won't work. I'm excited to be independent. I'm heartbroken to leave my family. 

And I am not looking forward to flying. See, even though I know planes CAN fly, and I have flown more times than I can remember, I still don't understand it. I don't understand how a giant metal contraption full of people and baggage can suddenly pick up enough speed to become airborne and then sail thousand of miles, far above the clouds. It just doesn't make sense. 

See you in Dulles. 

8:02pm 3/2/15 U.S. time or 4:02am 3/3/15 ET time. Since I'm over the ocean, I have no idea what time zone I'm in. I'm ten hours away from America and three hours out from Ethiopia. 

I'm sitting here in an aisle seat. The seat directly next to me is empty which is great. I've been sleeping on and off the whole flight. Now I'm awake and waiting. Something this flight is forcing me to do is just RELAX. And I can't feel guilty about it since there is nothing else to do. I'm not even watching a movie. I'm just SITTING. I have Alasdair Fraser fiddling in my ear (for the WHOLE flight) and I'm just HERE. It's almost like meditation. I'm just in the moment. I can't think ahead, because I will freak about all the possibilities of failure this week. I am going to try and succeed where others have failed, and I have no clue what I am doing. BUT, I love my child more than anyone can know, and that will make me stronger than them. And I have God on my side. So whom shall I fear?

As soon as I get picked up from the airport, I am dropping off my things at the guesthouse and then going straight to Micah. The thought of seeing my beautiful boy brings me to tears. I cannot wait. 

I miss Abe and the kids. It's weird to travel without them. There is another mother near me and her little ones are snuggled all around her. I feel empty without my babies. At the same time, it's a relief to know they are safe and that I don't have to worry about them. This trip is about Micah and doing whatever it takes to clear him. And it's easier if I'm alone.....I can move faster, and go farther. But it's still lonely without them. 

I'm so excited to go home to Ethiopia. I miss the sounds and the smells and the warm air. I miss the sun. I miss my Ethiopian family. I miss the slow pace of life (although it also drives me crazy when it applies to adoption paperwork). I miss all the friends I have made, and I miss all the children at the orphanages and on the streets. I miss the food and the dancing. I miss the language. But most of all, I miss the feeling of belonging in a second world. Ethiopia is my home too, and I am so happy to be going back. 

Side note: at the Dulles Ethiopian Air check in, I spoke Amharic to the young man at the desk. And he totally freaked. My Ethiopian brothers would be so proud. :) The check-in guy couldn't believe I could speak so much Amharic. And then he asked if I was married. (Sorry, Abe.). 

Okay, I'm going back to my fiddle music. I love you all.