Tuesday, April 24, 2012



     That's how I feel. Completely and utterly wrecked. Emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually. I don't think working 4am-9pm on a daily basis is helping. That's on a regular day.

     Today, I also feel like I got hit with a sledgehammer. And like part of my heart got ripped out. Lots of stuff going on and nothing I can talk about but today was the pinnacle. Lost my mind earlier and was crying so hard I was hyperventilating. I felt like everything got knocked off orbit. Got hit with news that broke my heart and spirit. Felt like I was dying.

     And then I turned on the radio. I turned on Klove and the first thing out of the speaker's mouth was, "Do you ever wonder: God, WHY is this happening to me?" and then she added a quote from Laura Story (whose husband has been diagnosed with a brain tumor): "Sometimes God blesses His children with the very absence of the thing they pray for."

     Although I know I will continue crying every hour for the rest of today and maybe for weeks in the future, I have peace that God is in control and has this situation firmly in His hands. And I need to trust that He will do what is best, whatever that may be. My job is to continue to worship and trust and pray. So while I'm crying because my heart is broken, I'm filled with peace.

And someday up in heaven, there won't be any pain or tears.

Or homeless babies.