Monday, May 14, 2012

May, Mother's Day, and Marissa.

It's May. May marks our wedding anniversary. May will also be our 28th month in the adoption process, and 16 months DTE.
Mother's Day was especially hard this year. The third one we have been through since starting this process. I may or may not have lost it in church five minutes into the service and gone grocery shopping instead. 

I'm so grateful to have friends who care about me though, especially the ones who sent me Mother's Day texts again. Specifically one text, the day before, from my wifey Courtney. "Lu2. Might already be tmrw where your babies are so I'll say Happy Mother's Day now. :-)". Some friendships just can't be measured.
So any news or updates that we can share? Nope. 

Discouraging? Yep. 

But recently I've had an attitude change. I can continue to be depressed and stressed and cry a lot, and be very critical of our agency, or I can ask God to help me change my attitude and to help me deal with the wait. I'm choosing the latter. Am I still going crazy longing for my kids to come home? Yes, it's worse than ever. But I'm at peace right now. Trusting God and doing my best to respond to the situation as He calls me to. With a prayerful heart but MINUS my critical and complaining spirit. I can be impatient and feel righteous indignation, but I need to change the bitterness and resentment in my heart. I made the decision to place everything back in God's hands two weeks ago and last week decided to commit to letting God fix my attitude. This week has been a lot better and I am less stressed and not too worried about the adoption, although I AM obsessed with thinking about it. :)


And still we wait. 


So while we continue the waiting game, we thought we would take this time to announce our attachment plan. :)


Now you may be thinking: an attachment plan? What???? What does that even mean? Why would they need one? Aren't they getting older kids? 


An attachment plan is just what it sounds like. We have to figure out how to make our children trust us, bond with us, depend on us, and realize that we will NEVER leave them and that we will ALWAYS care for them. 


We've spoken to multiple families (as well as our agency and social worker) who have adopted children of all ages on the topic and made our decisions for our personal attachment plan based off the information we have gathered. 


Our kids have possibly been abandoned, have been moved multiple times with no warning or explanation, have had numerous adults in there lives (none of them permanent) and have had communication barriers (or no communication) with their care-givers for years. It can only be expected that they will have attachment issues. These issues could be a huge range of things but mostly likely will be an inability or struggle to attach to anyone, specifically an adult/care-giver OR the tendency to try to attach to EVERY adult they see. We want them to learn that WE are their parents forever and we want them to learn that it is safe to attach to us. We do not want them trying to attach to others. 


Therefore: attachment-plan-a-la-Ruper. :)


So here is what we have decided. On our "airport day", the day when we finally come home with the kids, anyone and everyone is welcome to come to the airport. We WANT as many people there as want to come, to celebrate one of the happiest moments and greatest victories of our lives. :)

On the "airport day", people may hug our children. You can bring balloons and signs and cameras. Basically, it's a party, except that we ask you do not GIVE our children anything. No presents, no snacks,etc. They need to learn that everything they need comes from us. But please come and love on them and welcome them home. :) (PS, if you want to SEND presents, or give them to me and Abe to give to the kids, that is fine with us. :))


After the "airport day", we will be staying home as a family to work on our new "normal" and to start bonding as a family. We will not be allowing visitors at ALL for about eight weeks. During this time we will work on teaching them to trust us. Eight weeks may seem like a long time, but it really isn't. We will use an intuitive approach depending on how our kids do, but eight weeks of solidarity is the plan. If we happen to make a trip as a family and you see us, feel free to say hello but please do not touch our kids or give them anything. 


After eight weeks, we will allow family and close friends, 2-3 at a time, to visit us if they want. During these visits, you are welcome to play with and communicate with our children! :) We would love that. And we are sure they will too. You are extremely important in their lives. The only clause is that you may not touch them (no hugs or kisses) and you may not give them anything. No presents. No giving them a drink if they are thirsty. No feeding them. No helping them complete a task. Abe and I will be taking care of that to ensure they know WE are their caretakers, even in the presence of other adults. 

After ten-twelve weeks, we will evaluate how we feel our children are doing and figure out how we will proceed from there. 


Thank you for your understanding! We love you all, are so glad to have you in our lives, and can't wait to introduce you to our precious children someday! :)