One of my friends once tagged me in a quote once, and I came across it today.
she was fierce, she was strong, she wasn't simple. she was crazy and sometimes she barely slept. she always had something to say. she had flaws and that was ok. and when she was down, she got right back up. she was a beast in her own way, but one idea described her best. she was unstoppable and she took anything she wanted with a smile.
I woke up at 6am. And started making international calls. I used every connection I had, and I fought. I have nothing left to lose.
Then I went to the orphanage again.
Micah didn't go to school today. He was at the orphanage when I arrived and he ran and pulled a piece of paper out from a spot where he hides his things. My letter to him. He waved it at me and grinned. I just kissed his forehead and hugged him. He knows and I know. I believe in him and he believes in me. I grabbed a pen (he has JEGNA on his wrist too) and wrote "I love you" on the back of his hand. He took the pen and wrote it across the palm of my hand. Then he looked up at me, eyes big. "Are you leaving today???" he asked. I told him no. I told him in three days. His eyes got watery. I knelt in front of him. "Baby," I signed. "Listen to me. I have to leave on Saturday, but I WIll COME BACK. I promise you. We are a family. You are my son. I will never let go of you. I will never stop fighting for you. I will never stop. You are MINE. I love you."
He looked at me, and he nodded. He knows. He believes me. And I love him so much my heart might burst from it.
I can't write about today's miracle. Maybe, when my baby is home and safe, I can regale the miracle that was today. Maybe someday I can share the unbelievable events that took place. Maybe someday. So for now, this little paragraph is a cryptic teaser.....just know that there is a miracle story here, buried deep between the lines. A story so fantastic that only God could have orchestrated and completed it. I got to be a spy, a warrior, a politician. Impossible things happened. Is Micah cleared? No. But I have no doubts. A few people here who know what I'm trying to do smile at my pityingly when they ask how today went. I grin and say awesome. They press their lips together and give me a sympathy nod. They don't believe me. They don't believe Micah will clear. And they give me a tight-lipped, condescending smile, while their eyes tell me, "Poor girl, she's delusional."
But I don't care. Are they responsible for this story? No. Are they even IN this story, as a extra, or even an actual cast member? No. Do they understand the crazy love I have for my son, or the incredible stubbornness I possess? No. So I smile back at them, without another word. Just a grin. Because I'm not fighting alone. I have a million people here rooting for me, helping me, praying alongside me. And I have God, who has power over everything. And He's the one who called me to this fight. So somehow, someway, this will work.
Yesterday I was Esther. I had to go, uninvited to some officials and ask for the impossible. Today I was Deborah. (For those of you who don't know this story, there was a military captain in the Bible. He needed to go into a fight but he was afraid. He wouldn't go. Instead, he asked a woman, Deborah, to lead his army into battle. And she did. And won.)
Today I went to battle. I scoped out the battlefield. I approached it with stealth and a plan of attack. I bided my time and fired at the right moment. And I struck my mark. I returned victorious. But I did not do this alone. I am not the one who won. God is. I can't tell you what transpired, but it's impossible. And because of that, I stand in awe, excitement, and hope of what God holds for the future.
Today was a JEGNA day.