Yesterday I was twisting Z's hair (you know, the longggggggggg Rapuzel hair that takes me ten hours or so) and watching Levi with a pair of headphones on his head "listening" to (feeling) music and all I could think was, "I can't believe they are HERE." After three years and countless tears and hysteria, my beautiful children are HERE, sitting in front of me, safe and happy, eyes shining, telling me they love me. And I am blessed. Byond blessed.
And it is terrifying.
I am blessed with an incredible husband who is my best friend. We have a fairy tale relationship. We always have. And I love him more than anything else on earth. We have jobs that we love and that pay our bills. We have two decent cars. We have been blessed with good health. We have supportive families. We have freaking incedible friends (too many to count). We have a beautiful house. And two gorgeous, amazing kids. And it scares me. I don't deserve to be so blessed. I don't deserve this perfect life. I don't deserve any of the things that I have and I am scared that since I am not worthy, it will be taken away from me. It freaks me out. True story.
And that's where grace comes in. I don't deserve anything. Much less the prcieless gifts I have in my life. And as I was processing my fears (of being blessed with too much), something hit me. I LOVE to bless my kids. I love to buy them stuff and give them stuff. It's FUN. I love to see their faces and the light in their eyes, and their excitement. I love to watch them enjoy what I give them. And I bet it is the same way for God. He loves to bless his children. So I don't need to be afraid. Can bad things happen and gifts disappear? Yes. This is life, and nothing except Jesus is guaranteed. But I am a child of God and He loves me, and with God (my loving Father) on my side, whom shall I fear?