Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Dreams of a "Paper-Preggo" Momma

So I have been having some weird adoption dreams. Most of them I don't really remember. But last night I had a vivid one. My friend Amy said that pregnant women often have crazy dreams about their kids--in fact, she told me a couple crazy ones of hers. So these pregnant hormones must be hitting me hard. Paper-pregnant and losing my mind.

So for whatever reason (this is my dream ;)), I got a call from another agency saying they had two deaf girls (sisters) who needed to be adopted from Ukraine. That night, my sister flew overseas (yes, this dream is insane haha) and showed up the next night at my house (coincidentally where I grew up) and put two little girls in my arms. Ages 4 and 3. Blonde haired, blue eyed, porcelain doll children. I remember thinking: "This is all wrong, I can't start a second adoption; I can't pay for it! I can't do a concurrent adoption; I'm waiting for a referral from AWAA. And these aren't my babies!!!! My babies are supposed to be brown." I tried to forget my Ethiopian children and tried to love the little girls but I couldn't. I started teaching the 3 year old some sign language and all I could think was: "I have to get to Ethiopia. I have to get my other babies!!! Will AWAA let me have 4 kids at once??? What do I do???" It was SO weird. I knew that the little girls weren't supposed to be mine. They weren't my kids. And my heart was crying for my Ethiopian babies. Weird huh? I woke up all freaked out that I had a pair of kids in the next room and my Ethiopian babies were abandoned in ET somewhere. Needless to say, I think I'm losing it :)

Levi/Micah/Zahria, WHERE ARE YOU????????????? Mommy loves you.

1 comment:

  1. I know what you mean. I held a newborn the other day and realized how it honestly does nothing for me to see,hold, be around a tiny baby. - no longing at all. But if I see a preschool age brown skinned boy or girl I get a lump in my throat every time.